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1. Kourtney and Kim Take Miami Season 1, Episode 1
Episode Name: Welcome Back to Miami
Air date: 1/20/2013

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2. Kourtney and Kim Take Miami Season 1 Episode 4
Episode Name: Dragon Me Down
Air date: 2/10/2013

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But having never watched a Kardashian show before, and having only a cursory understanding of who's who (it took five minutes before I realized both Kourtney and Khloe were in this premiere episode - I thought the camera kept alternating between one sister's good side and bad side), I didn't realize what was involved.
Topics covered in the season premiere include children, exes, clothes, partying, Miami, YOLO, feces and the ills of gossiping (irony level: off the charts).
Khloe is trying to have kids. Kourtney has two kids, but doesn't want her husband Scott Disick -- Lord Disick, as he calls himself -- to come to Miami, because he'll party too much. Kim says a lot of bad stuff about her ex-husband, Kris Humphries, and then gets a kitten as a gift from her current boyfriend, Kanye West.
"The poop is halfway in its **** and it won't come out," Kim says, in real words that actually come out of her mouth. She then consults Siri on her iPhone to find out how to deal with constipated cats.
(Wikipedia tells me Kim is now pregnant with Kanye's child. I believe Siri can also help when poop is halfway in a child's **** and won't come out.)
Like most reality TV, Kourtney & Kim Take Miami is semi-scripted and fully staged. I get that. It's fluffy wish-fulfillment for a young, female audience, and I am neither. I get that.
I kind of don't even want to talk about it anymore, the same way I wouldn't want to talk about seeing a dog get hit by a truck. I just want to forget that it's a thing and go back to being blissfully ignorant of most things Kardashian.
But if you're a fan, enjoy! It looks like there will be a lot of drama and stuff this season. I promise I won't judge you if you choose to watching it.